Let Others Learn from your Story

Our concept in our school paper this February is something about conquering our comfort zone. Stepping out from our security blanket can lead to either good or bad...Different real stories will be featured and while I'm still working in my article, I'll be sharing some still unedited part of it in here...

When failures come to me and I could feel like I’m on the verge of giving up, I used to think of so many success stories that at first were filled with disappointments and discouragements. I could remember of Thomas Alva Edison who “failed” ten thousand times before he eventually invented the light bulb. It never occurred to him that he was failing. In his mind he was simply getting closer to a way to make his invention work by unraveling more ways in which it didn’t work. I could think of Ludwig van Beethoven whose personal life was marked by a heroic struggle against encroaching deafness and yet composed most of his important works during the last ten years of his life when he was quite unable to hear or of Henry Sy Sr. who came to the Philippines at the young age and worked in his father’s small sari-sari store and now a retail and banking magnate who owns all established 33 SM Malls. Sy hands-on training has provided him the stamina in business. At one time, he was hit by shrapnel while selling, and quite fortunately was brought to the hospital by his good friend in a 'kariton'. These people have done something in the history of the world after they challenged themselves to step out from what they can comfortably accomplish.

They were many more of them, for sure, if I would just be more persistent in reading or researching. But then, it would be harder for me to associate myself with them, so I would end up thinking of my father who had survived the torture-filled period of the Japanese occupation after not just being contented in hiding in the caves. I would think of him who in the later part of his life courageously risked his job for the sake of giving justice to himself. I would think of him who chose marriage and responsibilities instead of still happy-go-lucky life. I would also think of my mother who gambled all the next days of her existence by escaping from her own family who treated her badly. I would think of her who became an eleven year-old housemaid miles and miles away from her hometown. We lived in different phases of time but somehow, I could not be scientifically wrong if I will say that I had inherited some drops, even just drops of fighting spirit from them. They were my parents and I am their daughter. Then it came into my mind that maybe a moment will come that my character too will be tested or a situation might push me to conquer my limitations. Perhaps, just like Edison, Beethoven, Sy, my father and my mother, I would also have great reasons and motivations if why would I let go of my comfort zone and why would I stop embracing my sense of security. As to when, where and how, I could not yet determine but time will definitely find its way.

I was three years old when we moved from Talisay to Himamaylan, where I would be spending my next twelve years. At first there were really no personal struggles. There would always be somebody to carry the burdens for me and as what children would likely do, the whole day could be spent sleeping, eating, playing and then doing the same things over and over again. However, for every morning that welcomed me, I am required by the real world to at least start growing. I became aware that sometimes my mother cannot stay with us for weeks because she has to work as a farmer in the distant mountains; that there would really be tough times when my father cannot bring home even a single peso and that empty pots and plates were true. So that was what poverty means- no new clothes, no allowance, no electricity. Yet going to school penniless or studying for tomorrow’s examination under the street posts outside the convenience of our house (because we haven’t failed the bills) were not reason to take the wrong road. I know that my situation was not the worst on Earth. I still felt so blessed although there were times that I felt so helpless. Somehow, a simple life would oftentimes mean simple happiness.

The saddest day of my life came when I was fifteen years old. My father died. I was filled with fears and regrets. The future even turned more uncertain. There was no enough time for me to mourn for everyone else in the family was already weak and somebody had to be strong, or in my case, pretend to be strong. That was how I moved on.

My future becomes uncertain because even though my schooling was fine, a scholarship would still not guarantee an easy college life for me. While most of my classmates were full of dreams and plans, there was I, unsure of everything. What course will I take up? Who will finance for me? Then, it was time for Him to work out His plans. I remembered praying that night nine days after my graduation. I could not find for exact words to say because in the first place, I don’t know what I’m exactly asking for. That was my last night home…my last chance to sleep in that bamboo-made bed…my last chance to live my free life and be freely me- for God will be opening a new door for me and things will never be the same again.

A team went to our house and offered their help. However, I had to live away from my family. They were so good to me and I had become a part of a big, big family. It was in them that I first heard about social work as a profession. When they suggested the course to me, there is something in me which I do not understand that made me say ‘yes’ to a certain field I do not completely know and understand.

So this was the new start for me. However, things don’t just go as simple as that. New beginning required much change- and those changes don’t simply come as fast as what others would require them to be. I have deepened my faith while I was there but sometimes I have also shaken it. I admit that I am not a devout catholic since birth and that I only went to church once in a blue moon. But I had felt that I have to defend what I believe- not because I am being stubborn or worshiping something else- but because I have never placed a doubt in my relationship with Him ever since and that it is that relationship that has delivered me through.

I have no idea that I had already come face to face with the moment I have looked for years and years ago- the moment that will test me, my character and my philosophies. Nothing could ever be painful than hearing others judged my own family. It’s hard when suddenly everything in me have to change- including my point of view of how should I socialize and how should I value my education. Everything was not all about getting good nutrition or living in a decent house. After months of trying to live in accordance to what’s intended and failing to do so in their eyes, I had made one of the hardest decisions I ever made. I know I had to go back to my world and to my own life. It was not because the life that has been offered to me was bad- in fact it was really good. I could have just condition myself to be comfortable with it because I would be secure in it and it would save me from much difficulties. There would always be food for me. There would always be new clothes, allowance and electricity. I do not need to look for anything because I was cared for. I was loved. If I was just there when I was still younger, when I have not yet defined a life that I wanted and have not yet created that connection to the world, I could have just go with the flow… just obey and follow the rules. I know I could have been happier. I had even fall in love with everything that goes with it. But the truth is that I am not that innocent to what the reality is and I could not just close my eyes before it. There are something and some people that I could not just let go. There are some situations which I could not just ignore. I have to make my choice- my own choice and risk. I had learned that people could interpret us in so many ways but when we have established our self, we will not easily be threatened by the way others would interpret us. I know I did try but no matter how much I try, differences could still create some forms of conflict. When I said, “I will go home,” I prepared myself that everything else will have to go, too and so, they did. The result was I have to be absent the entire day to settle some things. The result was a daily trip from Himamaylan to Bacolod and the need to borrow for a uniform and a school shoe. The result was a stressful than what it should be final examination week. The result was staying in the house of my friend Jodie for a week and more weeks in the house of my teacher Ms. Bay. There was no direction of where I am going but there was an even stronger fire of determination. What I did may have appeared stupid and the feeling was while at the rest of the world was telling me that what I did was wrong; there I am telling myself that it was right. It is not my intention to appear rebellious, numb or ungrateful. I know I had committed mistakes. Ironic as it seemed, but all did not actually went away from me. There are those which will remain and I will be forever thankful for what my new-found family has done for me. I am convinced it was not an accident, but it was God who planned it for me. The time that I had spent with them is all worth it and every drop of it is worth reminiscing for. In their life, I have seen so many goodness and service and love. They have saved so many lives. They have saved my life from falling into perilous possibilities. Good-bye doesn’t really mean the end.

The consequences were not that easy to bear but I know they can be overcome. If I would only choose what’s convenient for that time, I could have stopped schooling, went home and sleep. But if I would be doing such, then the risk that I have taken will only be put into waste and I will be regretting for the rest of my life. I know I am not losing something for nothing. I know that I am leading somewhere else. If it won’t come to me, then I have to find it. He did open a new door. Again change should be done and although, I am afraid to fail again, I still tried- even though I have lost all assurance I could ever have. I’m glad that the Holy Family Home Capuchin Tertiary Sisters welcomed me in the middle of the school year and accepted me even though they don’t know me. Then my life started to change forever since that day. Everyday, I’m learning about responsibility, humility and concern. I realized that there are things in this world that we have to work for and that fraternal correction is beneficial and challenging. I had valued attending the mass and comprehend more the teachings of my faith. The sisters had loved me with a kind of love that comforts me and motivates me to be good. They introduced me to Father Seán Coyle, who has become very influential person in my life. He has given me the opportunity to enhance my writing skills while at the same time earning from it through the Misyon magazine. I’m happy to help me mother while schooling.

When failures come to me and I feel like I’m on the verge of giving up, I used to think of so many success stories that at first were filled with disappointments and discouragements. I could not just remember that of Edison, Beethoven, Sy, my father and my mother, but of my own as well. I could not call myself that successful but at least it could motivate me to go on despite difficulties and I hold on to the fact that success cannot be measured using a common criteria. So life is like this. If I give up that easy somewhere before, then I would never reach today. If I choose what’s comfortable, maybe I hide out of shame. But thank God, I did not. Thank God for some drops of fighting spirit. Thank God for making me a part of so many families...Thank God for everything…

Now, stepping out from our comfort zone could either lead to something good or bad. The choice always belongs to us but if we want circumstances to turn into something positive, we should work for every choice that we are making. The road going there would usually be tough that it will lead us into tears and broken hearts, so we should not give up along the process of growing and learning. Take this quote from the Desiderata: ‘Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune…’ Every story is a story of taking risks but life is not just taking chances. It requires more than decision making because its just easy to say yes or no, but what will follow after would really challenge us. Knowing other stories is just like taking some dose of supplements or medicine to inspire and prepare us when we are already making our own stories.Our comfort zone would usually nurture us physically and intellectually but it is when the same zone is extended or trembled that we are nurtured emotionally and spiritually.