Our Hideaway

By Alma N. Pangsiw

‘Girls, wear skirts tomorrow!’

Alma told her story in the September-October 2003 issue of Misyon. This article is related to what she wrote then. Alma passed the Civil Service and Teachers' Board exams in 2007.

‘S-K-I-R-T-S!!! Not again!’

Announcements like this during my college days used to make my day glum. It’s not that I hated wearing skirts, but my appearance when wearing them concerned me most and thus made me crawl from shame.

One of my downfalls was that I had no self confidence when it came to my body structures. I didn’t have that ‘Coca-cola figure’ to be proud of. I just had the typical body of an Igorot with strong, robust calves and arms due to heavy work in the fields. That’s why I didn’t have the nerve to wear mini-skirts just like everybody else did. When I tried it once, it seemed that everyone was staring at me and saying in their minds, ‘Hey! Look at that. She’s got no shame at all parading those robust, scarred calves!’ Those sarcastic glares just gave me the strength to dash to my boarding house to change my clothes. So during my high school years, I had my uniform skirts tailored three to four inches below the knee to conceal my calves.

At times, I’d spent my time brooding in self-pity. Why had God made me look this way, with these shameful calves? Why hadn’t God created me just like those petite, gorgeous women on the TV and in fashion magazines? But of course I knew I couldn’t change my physical appearance and that I should have to accept it and then ask ‘what’s next?’

Zoooooooooooommmm . . . suddenly, here I am, sitting in my solitary room, paralyzed from the waist down. I’ve got my toes, but I can’t wriggle them the way I want to. I also have my feet but I cann’t stand and walk unattended. Thus, finally, I’ve had my wish come true! And that is, I already have slim calves due to atrophy but they’re useless since I can’t move out of my room to display them and boast about them.

Yes, God did give me what I’d longed for: slim calves! An unexpected gift! He just placed this gift in my lap so I just had to accept it. He didn’t give me a choice between being paralyzed, with slim, atrophied calves that get you nowhere, or strong and robust calves that can carry your weight anywhere you possibly want to. Eh? He gave me indeed my lifetime package filled with pain and a bountiful grace: an opportunity to grow out of my self-centered world.

As it slowly dawned on me, I realized that I had prayed with a wrong motive in mind with regard to my calves. Back then, when I was still on my feet, I had never been thankful and content that I had two good feet with strong calves that could carry me around. That I could dance the cha-cha, the tango, boogie, waltz, and swing for the Lord. Yes, I was never grateful for the hundred things I could accomplish for Him and for all the talents He’d bestowed upon me. It wasn’t until He bound me to this chair that I came to realize how ungrateful I was. There were many things I’d taken for granted. It was only when I’d lost them that I realized their true value.

Today, as my mind reminiscences, I’m ever so grateful that He hadn’t taken everything and that I still have good arms and hands to clap for the Lord, a sound mind to contemplate His words, clear eyesight to see and appreciate His glorious creation, ears to hear the different songs of nature and a mouth and tongue to sing with them. With all of these I can still do many things to bring glory to His name. Lastly, if I’m to be on my feet again, I don’t care if my calves will become robust again or if I’ll be limping. What matters most is that I’m using my body and talents according to the will of the Father!

You may write Alma at Kaleo, Kadaclan, BARLIG, 2623 Mountain Province.

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